Bet you never thought you’d see these two together.
Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: Taylor Hill/FilmMagic, Nintendo
Mario Kart World is here, and you and everyone you know is playing as a cow. This game arriving on the cusp of a summer once again run by pop girlies — Sabrina, Addison, OG 1989, Beyoncé tour, whatever the hell Reneé Rapp gets up to — feels like no great coincidence. Like Mario Kart World, the pop-girlie landscape is full of colorful characters for whom we’re meant to point at the screen and go “okay, me.” These pop stars probably have more important things to do than hop on Mario Kart World with one another, but also, maybe they don’t. Chalk it up to a rare 80-degree day in New York City or overwhelming TGIF energy, but here’s who Vulture thinks the pop girlies are playing in Mario Kart World.
Addison Rae, Princess Peach
No need to overthink this one. One of the most prominent blondes of our time is going for one of the most prominent blondes of all time.
Sabrina Carpenter, Toadette
This one is tricky: Carpenter has a kind of playful Birdo energy, but she is also the short person in culture right now (sorry, Tom Cruise). She’s going for short-queen solidarity and picking a perennial little sweetie.
Rapp presents herself as a bit of a chaotic villain, not unlike the Mario world’s ultimate big bad. That’s not to say we think Rapp is evil, but we do think she’s approaching the race with a mischievous bent and an overwhelming desire to knock the other racers off the course.
Ice Spice, Bowser Jr.
One notable ginger is likely to opt for another notable ginger.
Chappell Roan, Donkey Kong
Two cultural disrupters coming together to maximize their joint, uh, speed slay.
PinkPantheress, Baby Peach
PinkPantheress is one of culture’s foremost little sisters, and it makes sense that one ingenue would go for princess-in-training prior to taking the crown.
Tate McRae, Yoshi
This one feels a little random — then again, so does the ongoing presence of McRae in the pop landscape.
Billie Eilish, King Boo
In a pop landscape saturated with singers who aren’t afraid to be a little spooky, we imagine Eilish commits all out to King Boo’s sinister glee. His being royal and her having two Oscars feels oddly fitting too.
Lana Del Rey, Rosalina
Rosalina is the newest and most ethereal of the Nintendo princesses, and Del Rey’s otherworldly quality feels like an apt fit. Her Instagram handle is “@honeymoon,” and Rosalina is from space, like, where the moon lives.
Ariana Grande, Tanooki Mario
Tanooki Mario is basically a character from Wicked. We see dog mom and animal lover Grande going for one of the game’s cutest critters.
Miley Cyrus, Mayor Pauline
Miley’s transition from enfant terrible to one of the industry’s most creative staples suggests a kind of mid-career stability present in damsel in distress turned politician Pauline.
Katy Perry, Daisy
Obviously!!!
Taylor Swift, Cat Peach
Obviously times two!!!
Lady Gaga, Mario
To quote my co-worker Rebecca Jennings, “What kind of freak plays as Mario?” Exactly.
Beyoncé, Cow
I’m not saying this to be rude. I’m saying this for two reasons: (1) Beyoncé is literally Cowboy Carter — what’s more country than the cow from Moo Meadows? — and (2) the cow has quickly become the most iconic character in Mario Kart World. Beyoncé would recognize this immediately and opt for the most fun, beloved character on the racetrack.
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