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Audition Monologues Female - Noises Off

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paisleykinkade
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149 views

Audition Monologues Female - Noises Off

Uploaded by

paisleykinkade
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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MRS. CLACKETT: Hello... Yes, but there's no one here, love... No, Mr Brent's not here...

He
lives here, yes, but he don't live here now because he lives in Spain... Mr Philip Brent, that's
right... The one who writes the plays, that's him, only now he writes them in Spain...No, she's in
Spain, too, they're all in Spain, there's no one here... Am I in Spain? No, I'm not in Spain, dear. I
look after the house for them, but I go home at one o'clock on Wednesday, only I've got a nice
plate of sardines to put my feet up with, because it's the royal what's it called on the telly - the
royal you know - where's the paper, then...? ... And if it's to do with letting the house then you'll
have to ring the house-agents, because they're the agents for the house… Squire, Squire,
Hackham and who's the other one...? No, they're not in Spain, they're next to the phone in the
study. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on, I'll go and look. Always the same, isn't it. Soon as
you take the weight off your feet, down it all comes on your head. (As Dotty) And l take the
sardines. No, I leave the sardines. No, I take the sardines.

MRS. CLACKETT: Hello... Yes, but there's no one here… No, Mr Brent's not here… He lives
here, yes, but he don't live here now because he lives in Spain. Mr Philip Brent, that's right...
The one who writes the plays, only why he wants to get mixed up in plays God only knows, he'd
be safer off in the lion's cage at the zoo... No, she's in Spain, too, they're all in Spain, there's no
one here… Am I in Spain...? No, I'm not in Spain, dear. I look after the house for them, but I go
home at one o'clock on Wednesday, only I've got a nice plate of sardines to put my feet up
with… because it's the royal what's it called on the telly - the royal you know... And if it's to do
with letting the house then you'll have to ring the house-agents, because they're the agents for
the house… Squire, Squire, Hackham and who's the other one...? No, they're not in Spain,
they're just a bit squashed. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on... I'm going to do something
wrong here. Always the same, isn't it. One minute you've got too much on your plate...next thing
you know they've gone again.

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