CHAPTER 1

Interpersonal Skills
Abilities such as active listening, dependability, and nonverbal communication that can help
us to build healthy relationships, which can also contribute to success in our career.

PERSONAL Benefits
Friendship, romantic and family relationships depend heavily on your interpersonal
communication competence to be successful
 Relationships develop, are maintained and sometimes can be also destroyed through
interpersonal interactions.
 Effective interpersonal communication can make our life happier and healthier.

PROFESSIONAL Benefits
Success in the workplace requires skillful use of verbal and nonverbal communication and
listening
 Employers value graduates who communicate orally and in writing
 Communication more important than job-specific skills
 Communication skills important across all professions

PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL CHOICES Benefits

The more you know about interpersonal communication, the more tools you have to make
wise and effective choices in your interactions with others
 Theory, research and skill mastery go hand in hand
 The more you know about interpersonal communication, the more insight and
knowledge you will gain about what works and what doesn’t work
CHAPTER 6

Self-
concept

Self- Self-
awareness Self
esteem

Self-Concept
It refers to the way you see yourself. Besides that, it also refers to the feelings and thoughts
about your strength and weaknesses, abilities, limitations, etc.

Self-Concept Develop from Four Sources

Cultural teachings ~Instills a variety of beliefs, values, religion, race, nationality, etc.

~Used as a standard or benchmarks for how to measure ourselves

Self-evaluations ~Refer to the process of accessing and judging own performance, abilities,
behavior, or characteristics

~Either negatively or positively impacts self-concept

Social comparisons ~Is a psychological phenomenon where individuals evaluate themselves by

comparing their own abilities, opinions, or achievements

~Get to gain a different perspective when we see ourselves in comparison

to peers

Others’ images ~Looking-glass self: Refers to the idea of our self-concept and self-identity
are formed through social interactions and the perceptions of others

~People of significance in our life

Self-Awareness
Four selves
 Open self
: Information about yourself that you and others know
 Blind self
: Information about yourself that you don’t know but that others do know
 Hidden self
: Information about yourself that you know but others don’t know
 Unknown self
: Information about yourself that neither you nor others know

Ways To grow in self-awareness

- Ask yourself about yourself
- Listen to others
- Actively seek information about yourself
- See your different selves
- Increase your open self

Self-Esteem 自尊
Refers to the overall subjective opinion or evaluation has about themselves, and involves the
perception of their worth, value and capabilities.
People with high self-esteem generally have a positive and confident view of themselves,
believing in their abilities and feeling deserving of respect and success. On the other hand,
individuals with low self-esteem may struggle with self-doubt and negative self-perceptions.

Growing in self-esteem
1.Attack Self-Destructive Beliefs
- Taking proactive steps to overcome negative thoughts and ideas that harm your well-
being.
- Instead of letting negative thoughts control our actions and feelings, we confront them
with positive and realistic perspectives
: Being mindful of our thoughts
: Setting achievable goals
- CONCLUSION: It’s about breaking free from harmful beliefs and fostering a more
positive and empowering mindset

2. Beware the Imposter Phenomenon

- Is like a warning to be careful about feeling like you don’t deserve your own success
- Sometimes even though some people achieve some goals by their own efforts, they
still feel like they are not good enough to deserve the success
(This is called imposter syndrome)
- This can help to remind us to be aware of these thoughts and not let them make us
doubt of ourselves
- CONCLUSION: It’s a reminder to recognize and appreciate your accomplishments
without constantly thinking you’re not as good as people say you are
3.Work on projects that will result in success
- Means focus on tasks and activities that have a good chance of turning out well
- Choosing projects where you can do a good job and achieve positive outcomes
instead of choosing something that you are not suitable and uninteresting for you
- By putting effort into these kinds of projects, you can increase your chances of being
successful in what you do
- CONCLUSION: It’s about picking the right things to work on and giving them your
best effort.

Perception 洞察力
It like the way your brain understands and make sense of the things you see, hear, feel, and
experience and how you interpret and understand the world around you.
Everyone perception can be different because it’s influenced by thoughts, feelings, and past
experiences.

Stages of Perception 知觉阶段

1.Stimulation
- Where the process begins with our sensory organs, which is eyes, nose, etc. detecting
information from the environment
- EXP: Seeing a beautiful sunset
: Bird chirping
- THE WAYS TO IMPROVE
: Focus our attention on the speaker’s verbal and nonverbal messages
: Maintain your role as a listener and avoid interrupting
- CONCLUSION: Like the starting point where our senses pick up on what’s
happening around you, sending signal to our brain to continue the perception process

2.Organization
- Sorting and arranging puzzle pieces, our brain takes the information from our senses
and put it together to create a clear puzzle
- It is the stage which we understand what the speaker means
- THE WAYS TO IMPROVE
: See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view
: Ask questions for clarification
: Paraphrase the speaker’ ideas in your own words
- CONCLUSION: It’s about creating order and recognizing shapes so that you can
understand what’s happening around us

3.Interpretation-Evaluation
- Is when our brain tries to understand the meaning of the organized information and
decides its value based on our personal experiences and beliefs
- WAYS TO IMPROVE
: Focus your attention on the central ideas
: Organize what you hear
: Unite the new with the old
- CONCLUSION: It’s about giving meaning and value to the information you’ve
organized
4.Memory
- Is when your brain stores the organized and interpreted information, allowing us to
recall and learn from our experiences
- WAYS TO IMPROVE
: Resist evaluation until fully understand speaker’s point of view
: Identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices in the speaker
: Own your responses
- CONCLUSION: It’s about building knowledge from the puzzles of our past

5.Recall
- Is like your brain remembering and bringing back the organized information it stored
earlier
- Helps us apply what you’ve learned from past experiences
- CONCLUSION: Is like when your brain brings back and uses the information in the
new situation

Impression Formation 印象形成

Refers to the individuals from opinions or judgements about others based on various cues and
information they have

Impression Formation Process

1.Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
- Is a prediction that comes true because someone believes it will. If someone believes
in your abilities, you might perform better because of those high expectations
- SPECIFIC TYPE OF SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY
: The Pygmalion Effect
- FOUR STEPS
: Prediction/Belief
: Act Like Belief is True
: Belief Becomes True
: Belief is Strengthened
- Is shows how our beliefs can shape our experiences and outcomes

2.Personality Theory
- This theory explores the characteristics, traits, and behaviors that make up an
individual’s personality
- Halo and Reverse Halo effect are psychological phenomena that reflect how our
perceptions of one trait can influence our judgement about someone’s personality
- Halo Effect
: Is a specific instance where a positive trait, such as being talented in one area that
can create a “halo” that influences our perception of the person’s personality
- Reverse Halo Effect
: Is a negative trait or action can create a negative “horn” that affects our perception of
the person’s overall personality
- It emphasizes the role of cognitive biases in the way we form judgement about others
based on limited information
Increasing Accuracy in Impression Formation
1.Check perceptions
- Describe what you see or hear
Talk with someone else and discuss without making quick judgements or jumping to
conclusions to fast
- Seek confirmation
Verify your impressions by seeking confirmation from others who have interacted
with the person, this helps cross-check and validate your perceptions

2.Reduce Uncertainty
- Observe Others
Pay attention to people’s behavior, body language and facial expressions
- Prepare for Different Situations
Think about different situations and imagine how people might act or behave
- Gather Information by Talking to Others
Understand and learn about the rules, beliefs, and actions of the community before
participating to accurate impressions

Impression Management
Is also called self-presentation or identity management
Refers to how people try to show themselves in a certain way to make others think positively
about them.
People engage in impression management tend to create a favorable image, gain social
approval, or achieve specific goals by expressing verbal and non-verbal communication skills
(such as choosing words carefully and dressing appropriately to create a good impression)

Impression Management Goals

1.Affinity-seeking strategies (To be Liked)
- It is an actions or behaviors individuals use to establish a connection or seek approval
from others and make them feel comfortable and positive about the relationship
- Aim to create a sense of closeness or similarity with others
- EXP: Finding common interest
: Expressing Agreements
- Important to use, especially during first interaction

2.Self-Handicapping Strategies (To Excuse Failure)

- Refers to the actions individuals take to create obstacles or excuses for potential
failure to protect their self-esteem
- Allow individuals to attribute failure to external factors
- May lead people to see you as incompetent or foolish

3.Self-Deprecating Strategies (To Secure Help)

- Actions or behaviors individuals use to downplay their abilities, accomplishments, or
importance to look for help
- Confession of incompetence and inability
- Can also be a way to connect with others through vulnerability and to receive support
CHAPTER 10
Effective Verbal Messaging
1.Extensionalize: Avoid Intensional Orientation
Intensional Orientation
- We understand and perceive things based on how they’re talked or labeled rather than
their actual characteristics
Extensional Orientation
- Is the opposite of Intensional Orientation
- Instead of being influenced primarily by how something is talked or labeled, you
focus on what you directly see or experience happening
- WAYS
: Focus on the object, person, or event and then until the way which the object,
person, or event is talked about

2.Avoid Allness
- This world is big and complex, there is no possible that we will know everything that
happened in this world
- WAYS
: Every statement is inevitably incomplete, end statement with “et cetera” to act as
a reminder that there is more to learn, know and say

3.Avoid Fact-Interference Confusion

- It’s about how language allows us to express both facts (things known to be true) and
inferences (conclusions based on evidence or reasoning) without always making clear
which is which
- We may not be able to distinguish between factual information and inferred
conclusions
(This lack of clarity between facts and inferences can create barriers to clear thinking
and it will lead to misunderstandings and mistakes)
- Distinguish between facts and inferences
- DIFFERENCES
FACT INFERENCES
May be made only after observation May be made at any time
Can be made only by the observer Can be made by anyone
- COMMON GROUND
: Both statements are useful
: Both are important

4.Talk about the middle; Avoid Polarization

- Polarization
: When people tend to see and describe the world in extreme terms
: This means viewing things as either good or bad, positive or negative, rich or poor,
and so on
: Take on many forms, but typically involve extreme contrast without recognizing
middle grounds or shades of gray
: CONSEQUENCES
Oversimplifies complex situations and limits a more nuanced understanding of world
Nonverbal Communication Competence
Encoding Skills
1.Identify Choices
- Identify and think mindfully about the choices you have available for communicating
what you want to communicate
2.Maintain eye contact with the speaker
- It represents politeness and says that you are giving the person the consideration of
your full attention
- But! eye contact that is too focused and too prolonged is likely to be seen as invasive
and impolite
3.Avoid extremes and monotony
- The amount of nonverbal communication we use can affect how others respond to us
- If we use too little or too much, people might react negatively
- If we consistently giving the same nonverbal signal, like smiling and nodding, it
might be perceived as insincere
- WAYS
: Find the right balance and use appropriate cues to match the situation and convey
genuine feelings or understanding
4.Be careful with touching
- Touching mat or may not be considered appropriate or polite depending on the
relationship you have
- BEST ADVICE
: Avoid touching unless it’s the part of the culture of the group
5.Analyze the situation
- Adapting our nonverbal messages to fit the situation is crucial for successful
communication
- What might be appropriate nonverbal behavior in one situation may not be suitable or
might be misunderstood in another
- Being aware of the context and adjust nonverbal cues helps to ensure that the
communication is effective and appropriate for the circumstances

Behaviors that create negative impressions

1. Crossed arms
2. Putting hands behind the back or in the pockets
3. Nodding more than usual

Decoding Skills
1.Be tentative
- Don’t jump into conclusion based solely on nonverbal behaviors by making
hypotheses about what might be going on
- Look for more information or evidence before making final judgements
- Being more careful and thoughtful, avoiding snap decisions solely based on what you
observer nonverbally
2.See messages as multi-channeled
- Communication involves messages coming from various channels, like facial
expressions, body language, tone of voice, and more
- To make accurate judgements, it’s essential to consider information from multiple
channels rather than relying on just one
3.Mindfully seek alternatives when making judgements
- When making judgements, it’s important to be mindful and consider alternative
possibilities
- Your judgement may be wrong, and a good way to check is think about other possible
explanations
- Consider different explanations helps us make better judgements and understand
people more accurately
4.Measure behaviors against a baseline
- To understand behind someone’s behavior, it’s crucial to know how they usually
behave
- Recognizing these deviations helps in making more accurate judgements about what
might be going on

Emotional Competence
Increase Self-awareness
1.“What am I feeling, and what made me feel this way?”
- Help to understand our emotions
2.“What exactly do I want to communicate?”
- Consider whether your emotional expression will be truthful expression of your
feelings
3.“What are my communication choices?”
- Evaluate your communication options in terms of both effectiveness

Emotional Expression
Guidelines
1.Be specific
- Describe your feelings or any mixed feelings and the intensity you feel the emotion
- Learn the vocabulary to describe your emotions and feelings in specific and concrete
terms
2.Describe the reasons you’re feeling as you are
- Always tell why you are feeling this kind of emotion
- If your feelings were influenced by someone else, describe this also
3.Ask for what you want
- Depend on the emotions you are feeling, you may want the listener to give you some
advice or just listen
- Let the listener know what you want or what you want the listener to do
4.Respect emotional boundaries
- Each person has different level of tolerance of communication about emotions and
communication that’s emotional
- At the same time, realize that you also have a certain tolerance for revealing your oen
feelings as well as for listening and responding to the others

Emotional Expression-Handling Anger

Anger communication
1. Get ready to communicate calmly and logically
2. Examine your communication
3. Consider the advantages of delaying the expression of anger
4. Remember that different cultures have different display rules
5. Apply the relevant skills of interpersonal communication
6. Recall the irreversibility of communication
Emotional Responding-Guidelines
1. Look at nonverbal cues to understand individual’s feelings
2. Look for cues about what person wants you to do
3. Use active listening techniques
4. Empathize
5. Focus on the other person
6. Remember that communication is irreversible

Emotional Responding-Communicating with the grief-stricken

1. Denial
: First reaction is to deny what happened
2. Anger
: As the denial fades, you confront reality and become angry
3. Bargaining
: Takes the for of making a deal with God
4. Depression
: Feel unhappy and depress
5. Acceptance
: Accept its inevitability and eventually, started to accept the reality
CHAPTER 13
Interpersonal Conflict
Is a disagreement or discord that occurs between individuals who are in relationship.
This type of conflict can arise in various settings, such as friends, lover, family members who
perceive their goals as incompatible

Interdependency
- Refers to a mutual dependence between two or more entities, where each entity relies
on the others for support, cooperation, or other forms of interaction
- CONCLUSION: It’s about relying on each other to do things and making things better
together

Mutually aware that their goals are incompatible

- If one person’s goal is achieved, then the other person’s goal cannot be achieved at the
same time because their goals conflict with each other

Perceived as interfering with attainment of the other’s goals

- Refers to a situation where a person sees the goals of another as obstructing the
achievement of their own goals

Interpersonal Conflict Issues

Content conflict 内容冲突
- Centers on objects, events that are external to the people who involved in the conflict
- EXP: What to watch on the television
: The fairness of the examination

Relationship conflict
- Equally numerous and are concerned with the relationships between the individuals
- ISSUES
: Who’s in charge
: The equality or lack in the relationship
: Who has the right to establish the rules of behavior

Couple Conflicts
1. Intimacy issues: Affection or sex
2. Power issues: Excessive demands
: Lack of equality on the relationship
3. Personal flaws issues: Drinking or smoking
4. Personal distance issues: Job commitments
5. Social issues: Personal values
6. Distrust issues: Lying
Workplace Conflicts
Potential negative effect 潜在的负面影响
- Personnel leaving the job
- Low morale
- Lessening desire to perform at top efficiency
Major sources of conflict among top managers
- Executive responsibility and coordination
Others
- Differences in organizational objectives
- Unclear definition of responsibilities
- Conflict between personal and organizational goals

Principles of Interpersonal Conflict

Inevitable
- Conflict is a part of every interpersonal relationship
- Every individual is different in histories and goals, interdependent, and some have a
greater tolerance for disagreement
Negative and positive effects
- The way we handled conflict will influence the effect
- Negative Effects
: Leads to increased negative feelings because involve unfair fighting methods and
focus largely on hurting the other person
: While one side hide their feelings from their partner, it means that they are
preventing meaningful communication, and this turn to create a barrier to intimacy
- Positive Effects
: Forces us to examine a problem early and work toward a potential solution
: Prevent hostilities and resentments from festering
: Resolving conflict means that the relationship is worth the effort
Influenced by Culture and Gender
- Culture
: Influences the topics people fight about, the nature of their conflict, the conflict
strategies they use, and the norms of the organization regarding conflict
- Gender
: Men withdraw to prevent further arousal; woman want to get closer to the conflict to
talk about and resolve it
: Women are more emotional and men are more logical
Consequences
1. Competing- I win, you lose
: Great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others
2. Avoiding- I lose, you lose
: The avoider shrinks from any real communication about the problem
3. Accommodating- I lose, you win
: You sacrifice your own needs for the sake of the needs of the other person
4. Collaborating- I win, you win
: Takes time and a willingness to communicate, especially listen to the perspectives
and needs of the other person
5. Compromising- I win and lose, you win and lose
: Result in maintaining peace, but there also will be dissatisfaction over the inevitable
losses that have to be endured
Conflict Management Is a Multistep Process
1.Set the stage
- Try to fight in private
- Choose a suitable time to resolve the problem
- Fight about problem that can be solved instead of arguing of the past behaviors
2.Define the conflict
- Define both content and relationship issues
- Define the problem in specific terms
- Focus on the present by avoiding gunny sacking
- Show empathy and try to understand the nature of the conflict from the other person’s
point of view
- Avoid mind reading and immediately ask questions to make sure you understand the
problem
3.Identify your goals
- Ask yourself what you want to accomplish in the conflict
4.Identify and Evaluate your Choices
- Brainstorm solutions
5.Act on the Selected Choice
6.Evaluate the Choice once it has been put into operation
- Use six “thinking hats”
: Fact hat
: Feeling hat
: Negative argument hat
: Positive benefits hat
: Creative new idea
: Control of thinking hat
7.Wrap It Up
- Learn from the conflict for the future and attack negative feelings, focus on the
rewards and cherish both behaviors