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What To Know About Older

This document discusses the personality traits typically associated with different birth orders: oldest, middle, youngest, and only children. While birth order explains only a small part of personality, research has found some tendencies. Firstborns tend to be confident, ambitious perfectionists who take charge. Middle children are more independent, diplomatic negotiators. Youngest children are often carefree but can be rebellious. Only children are creative self-entertainers but risk being self-centered. However, factors like gender differences, age gaps, and special needs siblings can alter typical birth order roles. Parenting approaches should acknowledge these tendencies but avoid putting too much pressure on any one child.

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135 views

What To Know About Older

This document discusses the personality traits typically associated with different birth orders: oldest, middle, youngest, and only children. While birth order explains only a small part of personality, research has found some tendencies. Firstborns tend to be confident, ambitious perfectionists who take charge. Middle children are more independent, diplomatic negotiators. Youngest children are often carefree but can be rebellious. Only children are creative self-entertainers but risk being self-centered. However, factors like gender differences, age gaps, and special needs siblings can alter typical birth order roles. Parenting approaches should acknowledge these tendencies but avoid putting too much pressure on any one child.

Uploaded by

rodge macaraeg
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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What to Know About Older,

Younger, and Middle Child


Personalities
The only child has trouble sharing, the oldest is bossy, the baby always gets what he
wants, and the middle child is—well, stuck in the middle. Are these merely
stereotypes, or is there some truth to birth order differences?
By Natalie LorenziUpdated September 18, 2019
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CREDIT: MOLLY MAGNUSON


Birth order only explains a small part of who we are, but personality
changes definitely exist between siblings, says expert Frank Sulloway,
PhD, author of Born to Rebel (Pantheon). "It's the roles siblings adopt
that lead to differences in behavior," he says. And parents tend to
reinforce these roles, whether they realize it or not. Here’s how to explain
the personality differences between your only, oldest, youngest, or
middle child.

Oldest Child Characteristics


Since firstborns follow their parents' lead, they like taking charge and
have oodles of confidence, says Kevin Leman, PhD, author of The Birth
Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are (Revell). They don't have
older siblings to tease them when they learn to tie their shoes or ride a
bike. Adults take them seriously, and that boosts their confidence. When
parents gush over the oldest sibling’s "firsts," it motivates them to
achieve. Proof of this: Leman recounts a corporate seminar he conducted
for CEOs in which 19 of the 20 attendees were firstborns.

• RELATED: 10 Tips for Parenting Firstborns

It's easy for ambitious firstborns to become perfectionists; after all, they
see adults coloring inside the lines and pouring milk without spilling. Your
firstborn wants everything just so, Leman says, and he wants to get
things right the first time around. To this end, he may resist pouring his
own milk or coloring on his own because he doesn't want to make
mistakes. These perfectionist oldest child traits also mean firstborns may
have trouble admitting when they're wrong.

It's not difficult to see how firstborns can become so tightly wound: new
to their roles as Mom and Dad, first-time parents can be overprotective
and tentative while at the same time strict and demanding, says Leman.
This can lead to “oldest child syndrome” and the conscientious desire to
overachieve.

Parenting the Oldest Sibling

• Parents tend to view firstborns as role models for younger siblings ,


and that can be a lot of pressure. "Watch for the effects of stress,"
cautions pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, MD, coauthor of Touchpoints
3 to 6: Your Child's Emotional and Behavioral Development (Perseus
Publishing). Be careful using "should"—as in, "you should've known
better."
• While you're doling out extra responsibilities to your oldest, grant
some privileges, too, like a later bedtime.
• "It's easy to put too much responsibility on the firstborn," says Dr.
Brazelton. Your oldest might volunteer to bring the baby a toy when
he's fussy or hand you a diaper, but don't expect her to help all the
time.

Middle Child Characteristics


Middle-born children are often completely different than older siblings.
"Once a role is filled by the firstborn, the second-born will seek out a role
that's completely the opposite," Leman says. Because of this, they’re
hardest to label, since middle child personalities emerge in response to
how they perceive the next-oldest sibling in the family. If the older sibling
is a parent-pleaser, the middle child might rebel to get attention. “Middle
child traits are the hardest to categorize, but whatever traits he develops
play off the first born,” says Leman.

• RELATED: All About Middle Child Syndrome


In the eyes of the middle child, oldest siblings reap all the privileges and
the babies get away with everything, so middles learn to negotiate to get
what they want. "Middle-borns are the most willing to wheel and deal,"
Sulloway says. They are agreeable, diplomatic, and compromising, and
they handle disappointment well. They have realistic expectations, are
the least likely to be spoiled, and they tend to be the most independent.
Because they often feel left out, they tend to gravitate toward friends
outside the family.

Parenting Your Middle Child

• Thank her when she steps in to mediate a sibling squabble .


• Respect his need for peers. Create opportunities for him to meet new
friends at the park or on playdates.
• Firstborns have their parents all to themselves initially, as do last-
borns once their other siblings grow up and leave home. But the
middle kids always have to share parental attention. Set aside extra
time for your middle child to make her feel special, recommends Dr.
Brazelton: "Do it for every child, individually, but especially for that
middle child."

Youngest Child Characteristics


Parents tend to let things slide once the last child comes along—they
aren't nervous, first-time parents anymore. As a result, lastborns usually
do get away with more than their siblings do, says Leman. They shoulder
less responsibility, so youngest child traits tend to be carefree,
easygoing, fun-loving, affectionate, and sociable, and they like to make
people laugh.
But being the youngest isn't all roses. Because lastborns view their older
siblings as bigger, faster, and smarter, they may attempt to differentiate
themselves by being more rebellious, says Sulloway. Leman, himself the
family baby, agrees with this youngest child syndrome: "Lastborns have
an 'I'll show them' attitude." And if older siblings baby the baby, lastborns
might be spoiled and manipulative.

• RELATED: 6 Small Ways to Make Each of Your Kids Feel Special

Parenting the Youngest Sibling

• Lastborns often feel they aren't taken seriously. Let her make some
family decisions—like where to go out for dinner or which video to
watch together.
• Acknowledge his "firsts." When he learns to tie his shoes or pees in
the potty, call the relatives like you did with the firstborn. And be sure
to make a big deal of his artistic accomplishments , displaying his
drawings on the fridge, as you did for his older siblings.
• Give the youngest child some responsibilities, even something simple
like putting napkins on the table. Lastborns can end up with few family
duties because they’ve learned to duck out of work or other family
members have dubbed them too "little" to be able to handle things,
says Leman.

Only Child Characteristics


Because only children spend so much time alone, they're self-
entertainers and often tend to be the most creative of all birth orders. In
fact, Leman calls only children "Super Firstborns." Like oldest siblings,
they are confident, well spoken, pay enormous attention to detail,
and tend to do well in school. Plus, spending so much time around
grown-ups often makes onlies act like "little adults."

Only children have never had to compete for their parents' attention or
share toys with their siblings, so they do run the risk of developing a self-
centered streak. They're also used to feeling important and may have a
hard time when things don't necessarily go their way, Leman says.
Because their role models are competent adults, onlies are even more
susceptible to perfectionism than firstborns.

• RELATED: 12 Tips for Raising an Only Child

Parenting Your Only Child

• Since they aren't used to sharing with other kids at home, only
children especially can benefit from playgroups .
• Onlies lean toward perfectionism, so model acceptance of your own
mistakes. Remind him that you couldn't cut out a perfect circle at his
age either.
• Don't seize every opportunity to teach her a better way to do
something—if she makes the bed with a few wrinkles, don't remake it.
You don't want to send the message that she is not measuring up.

What About Twins?


"Twins don't usually follow typical birth order roles," says Nancy Segal,
PhD, twins expert and author of Indivisible by Two: Lives of Extraordinary
Twins (Harvard University Press). "Most parents tend to be very fair and
not emphasize order of birth, at least in Western nations."
However, when twins are born vaginally, the firstborn is usually bigger,
and the second-born has a greater risk for health problems. In these
cases, parents may unconsciously treat the first twin more like a
firstborn.

• RELATED: Understanding Your Child's Personality

Factors That Affect Birth Order


Personalities
"Many things contribute to human behavior," says birth order expert
Frank Sulloway, PhD. "Birth order only explains a small chunk." Here are
some other factors that alter traditional birth order roles.

Gender. Being born first doesn't necessarily guarantee firstborn status.


In some cultures, a boy may be treated like a firstborn even when he has
four older sisters, because he's the firstborn male.

Age differences. Birth order effects are strongest when siblings are two
to four years apart. With large age gaps, siblings might act more like only
children or firstborns. Siblings separated by fewer than two years are
almost like twins. "When sibs are close in age, there's a physical
equality," says Sulloway. It's hard to grab that truck from your younger
brother when he's not all that little.

Special-needs sibling. When a child is born with special needs, younger


siblings may take on the firstborn role.

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