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The Diva Lazy Bee Script

The director, musical director, and producer are preparing for an upcoming performance but are worried because their diva star is late. When the diva arrives, she makes excessive demands and has the three scrambling to cater to her every need, such as cleaning and fetching chocolates. It is then revealed that the real diva canceled, and the woman they had been serving was just the cleaning lady. She leaves them in charge of the performance instead.

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46 views

The Diva Lazy Bee Script

The director, musical director, and producer are preparing for an upcoming performance but are worried because their diva star is late. When the diva arrives, she makes excessive demands and has the three scrambling to cater to her every need, such as cleaning and fetching chocolates. It is then revealed that the real diva canceled, and the woman they had been serving was just the cleaning lady. She leaves them in charge of the performance instead.

Uploaded by

api-569376254
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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The Diva by TLC Creative

Characters: (1) Director, (2) Musical Director, (3) Producer, (4) The Diva

Three people onstage (Director, Musical Director, and Producer). There is a small trolley
of cleaning supplies and a box of chocolates. Everyone onstage looks nervous.

Director: What’s taking her so long?


How can I be the Director with no one to direct?

Producer: Look, Dame Nellie is supposed to be the


finest singer in the business. We’re lucky to have her.

Director: Yes, but she’s late and I’ve heard she can be a bit...fussy.
You’re the Producer - fix it!

MD: Fussy? She stuffed the conductor’s baton up his nose when he missed that note.

Producer: If she’s that fussy, she’ll go crazy when she arrives.


I’ve been asking Mrs. Frump to clean this dressing room all day.

Director: She says she’s hurt her back, but I told her
she should just keep it to herself and get on with it.

MD: Yes - the show must go on, after all.

(Diva walks in with large, long haired wig on)

Diva: Stop worrying daaaa-rlings! I’m here!

Producer: Oh, Dame Nellie. How wonderful to see you -


we were worried you wouldn’t be here before the performance.

Diva: I never disappoint my public darling.


Dame Nellie must (singing) sing!

Director: Well thank heavens for that. This is the Musical


Director, she will take you through your first time for tonight.

Diva: Fine, fine. Except...first I must check a few things. You got my list?
Producer: Yes, Dame Nellie, I got that.
And we’ve met all of your demands...I mean requests.

Diva: My mineral water?

MD: Fourteen bottles, room temperature, Evian. Yes.

Diva: My chocolates?

Producer: Three boxes. And the stage manager


has taken out the little nutty ones you don’t like.

Diva: Excellent. And the floor - I need to be able to see my shoes reflect in it.
This is filthy. Clean it!

Producer: At once! (Hands a mop and bucket to the Director)


Get on with it!

Director: But I…

Producer: Just mop!

Diva: And these fixings haven’t seen a duster in months.


I won’t risk singing with the danger of dust in the air. Fix this!

MD: Of course. (Hands duster to the Producer) Get wiping!

Producer: But I’m the…

MD: Do you want her to sing or not?

Producer: Yes, of course… (Begins dusting)

Director: How’s this?

Diva: Mop harder! And you… (to MD) feed me my chocolates!

MD: Oh, I say…

Diva: Now! Or I will not give my surprise performance.


MD: Very well…

(Director is still dusting.) (Producer is still moping.) (MD feeds the Diva
chocolates)

Diva: Mop! Dust! Feed!

(The three characters perform the same actions over and over again, getting
faster and faster, whipped on by the Diva, until they all collapse into a pile on the
floor.)

Diva: Enough! You have done as I asked.


I will perform my surprise turn tonight.

Producer: Thank goodness.

Diva: And here it is!

(Diva whips off her wig, revealing herself to be…)

Producer, MD, Producer: Mrs Frump! What are you doing?

Diva: Yes. Dame Nellie called earlier to say she could not make it.
But thanks anyway for cleaning the room so nicely.
Oh, and the chocolates.

Director: You mean we’ve done all this…

Producer: And you’re saying that the star isn’t even coming after all?

MD: What on earth can we do?

Diva: (Throwing wig at MD) Put this on.

MD: But I can’t…

Diva: I reckon you ought to… what was that…“Keep it to yourself and get on with it.”
After all (To the Audience) the show must go on! I’m going home for a back-rub.
(Diva Exists. Three left on stage speechless) (Curtain.)

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