Wrestling Wrap Up: Punk & Jericho Face Off!

My head's filled with hornets today so I'm having a hard time starting this Wrap Up. I'm told that sometimes it helps to just start typing s***, but as you can see here…the emphasis there is on the word sometimes. Part of me just wants to type "Once upon a time, some sweaty men grabbed each other in front of thousands of onlookers." Ta da! Part of me is genius!

Jericho finally came out and gave an honest to goodness speech last night on RAW, admitting that he trolled us all. Yes, he even used the word "troll." NOW the fun can begin. The Punk/Jericho feud. Now comes the good stuff. All that crap leading up to this was worthless – including Jericho losing to Sheamus. We need to really put that out of our heads because in order to buy into Jericho saying he's the best in the world, we need to overlook the fact that he wasn't booked to win the Royal Rumble because Triple H made a last minute call to give the victory to his gym-bro Sheamus.

So Jericho now has to come out and act like he's still the best. Right after Sheamus had a match against a guy he's had many matches with over the past few months…Otunga. So while Sheamus still doesn't have a storyline or a feud going, and is facing the same bottom-carders he was facing before he won the Rumble, Jericho can finally move on and get into the feud we've wanted to see him in for a month now. Again, for my own mental and emotional well-being I need to Khrushchev that damn Rumble and pretend that we didn't see Jericho lose so that I can more readily buy him challenging Punk. But I'm good at wiping things from my memory. My kids' recitals. Taxes. That time, on a misty August evening, when I may or may not have hit a homeless man with my Honda. No time to go back and check. Pretty sure it was a falling tree branch. Yeah. Pretty sure.

Of course, when Jericho and Punk talk about being the "best in the world" they're not referring to win/loss records. Merely in-ring ability. And I appreciate that. It's a catch-phrase that only a certain kind of wrestling fan will understand. Within a certain demo and age group. And bitchiness factor. Because even when Jericho was losing as a suited-up heel, he'd make that claim and we knew he was right. The difference now is that Punk, ever since he's been claiming to be the best, has been WWE Champion on and off on a consistent basis. Still, I appreciated Punk's silent treatment last night, and not just because it threw Jericho's own shtick back in his face. But because last night's RAW was soooo promo-heavy. A lot of speechifying.

It was also interesting to see Jericho not dominate the competition. And essentially "steal" the win away from Punk in the botchy, dangerous Main Event that saw R-Truth dive out the ring back-first and Miz…dive out of the way instead of catching him! Wow! Sweet fancy Israel. All of the reports say that Truth is basically okay, but man…Miz. Worst mosh-pitter ever. Some sort of strange "fight or flight" instincts must have taken over right then, with Miz forgetting exactly where he was and what he was doing, which caused him, on some sort of dormant DNA level to get the f*** out of the way of incoming danger. Because it wasn't just that Truth was off a little bit to the side. Miz freakin' dove away. As if Truth were a falling piece of scaffolding. Rigged to break, fall and kill Miz by a nefarious of Scooby Doo villain. Triple H reportedly shoved an entire fist up Miz's ass when they all got backstage. The phrase being used is "loudly disciplined" but we know that means. Hand up butthole.

And speaking of injuries, Eve got her face busted the f*** up by Beth's clothesline in that Diva's match. Broken nose and everything. If you go back and watch that one, Beth's arm looks like giant slab of meaty death just thwomping the frak out of Eve. It's like watching one of those nature-gone-wrong videos where a trainer, for that split crucial second, forgets that their pet bear, irresponsibly given the name Huggy Fluffington, can maul them to death. Eve's face-thrashing did, however, give you all a bit of insight into those backstage promos that maybe you didn't know. Yes, all of them are pre-filmed. Which is why Eve's face didn't look Pad Thai when she was getting breathed on by Kane. By the way? What's the over/under on Kane's breath smelling like steaming wet yak?

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More from RAW, plus "rapey" Kane, on page 2…