Wrestling Wrap Up: Daniel Bryan Cashes in on Henry!

HO HO HO…HO…HO…ahem…ho…

Welcome to a special Wednesday Holiday edition of the Wrap Up! Why Wednesday? First of all: do you really care? Second of all: I had other work to do yesterday and a Wednesday Wrap Up would also give me a chance to write about the Super Smackdown that aired last night, which featured a cavalcade of ridiculousness that one can only find during this magical time of year.

I'm in an extraordinarily goofy mood right so forgive me if I barely even write about wrestling at all. December makes me punchy. [Eric Goldman adds: I pointed out to Matt that it wasn't technically December quite yet and he replied, "It's December in my heart."] It's three weeks of being crazy "end of the world year" busy followed by one week of absolute stillness. Just dormant hibernation. Me casting a motionless Kubrickian glare as my kids unwrap more presents than any person on earth could possibly deserve.

This week, I'm going to kick things off with Smackdown for a change – last Friday's episode to be exact. Daniel Bryan cashed in his MITB contract last week, pinning Mark Henry to win, oh so briefly, the World Heavyweight Title. And I was like…

But because Henry had a bum leg, the title was double switchbacked and given to Henry and Bryan was given his case back. And so I was like…

Then Bryan won the right to face Henry on the Super Smackdown inside a cage. And so I was all…

A match we all knew he'd lose. So…

Because the winner of that match was going to face Big Show at the PPV and they weren't going to put Bryan in that spot. But it was still supremely awesome to see Bryan do something relevant. And in just a few weeks he's now back in our hearts and minds as someone who can, within the hierarchy of established WWE characters, hold a World Title. It would be kind of cool to have Bryan keep cashing in that contract, over and over, winning the belt over and over, only to have it constantly taken away from him. For whatever reason. I think that would make for televised events that I would consider entertaining.

Of course, with any forward momentum in a Daniel Bryan storyline comes Michael Cole. His unbridled awfulness is automatically part of the package. And so it becomes a double-edged sword double-sided dildo. Because we'll never ever truly be able to celebrate any Daniel Bryan accomplishment in the WWE without having to hear Cole's loud, obnoxious take on the whole thing. Just slathered over every part of it. And I know the WWE thinks that Cole has helped Bryan get over, but there is such a thing as restraint. Cole can still be the Cole that the WWE wants him to be. And be the character they've constructed for him. I think what we all object to the most is how much Cole dominates the overall program. How much we have to hear his voice. And how much we have to listen to him go unchallenged. How no one ever truly argues with him. And so Bryan's big two week-long push (which will hopefully extend on a bit longer) was sullied by the absolute worst part of WWE's four-hour block of weekly programming.

No, the holiday season was NOT going to make me find a warm spot in my crippled heart for Cole. Again, I don't dislike the person, just way he's used to smear everything I watch and listen to with s***. Of course, the WWE only has one gear. Overboard. Turbo boost. Subtlety does not exist. And so if something's going to get done, it's going to get done to death. And then the corpse of whatever that thing was will get f***ed. Like that one time they had Triple H f*** a corpse. But, overall, it was fun to see Bryan hold that gold. It felt right. And he's still got that case so there are still a number of possibilities. He lost in the cage match last night, because water's wet and the sky's blue, but it was still a great showing for him. Plus, he's totally gonna get laid by AJ now! Who's so damn nerdorable that I want to ask her to backboard and bag all my old comics with me. Which is code. For having sex. On top of a pile of my old comics. While Stan Lee watches.

---

Live Super Smackdown report on page 2…