I’m not afraid to admit that I haven’t given up hope for The Last Guardian. Coming from one of my favorite dev teams, and makers of such classics as Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, they have quite a strong pedigree for creating classics known for their masterful innovation, atmosphere, and storytelling. More than those aforementioned things though, The Last Guardian is something that grabs me, pulls me into its world, and makes me want to experience these characters story with nothing more than an E3 trailer that still gives me chills. I don’t know anything about the story or gameplay, the only thing I know is I want to play this game, and I want to experience this world for myself.

Alas, this is a much delayed game, peppered with vague internal drama that only adds to the heavy angst gamers feel about the development. After the executive producer Yoshifusa Hayama left, and Fumito Ueda is not only freelancing on the game, many worries and questions are arising. This concern is only amplified by Gamestop listing the Last Guardian as “Canceled”. At this moment, TLG could go either way – it could be the next greatest hit, become vaporware, or become a heavily delayed piece of shit that disappoints and pisses off everyone ala Duke Nukem Forever, GT5, Daikatana, etc.

It has been two and a half years since the Last Guardian was announced, and since then, there is no clear idea of what the game will even play like. It is crucial to note that at this point in time that people are becoming either confused or disinterested, and the industry is rapidly moving forward at a breakneck pace. Industry defining games such as Uncharted 2, Portal 2, Skyrim, Mass Effect 3, Heavy Rain, Starcraft 2, Deus Ex HR, ect. have come out since this title was first announced. It is with this that I must stress that for team Ico’s latest game to stay relevant and make an impact, they need to release this game by the end of Q1 2013, and preferably by the end of Q4 2012.

You see, with a game being constantly delayed, this is how I see interest for the game is changing over time:

Sony has to push this game or it will end up just like every other game that has been horribly delayed, or people are just not going to care anymore. More so, they to have a playable demo at E3 and show a new trailer and gameplay at E3, or else it will just be forgotten.

Now there are some people who believe that this game won’t be out by the end of 2012, and that is understandable with the amount delays that seem almost formulaic, but if they are to release it, it needs to be out around this time next year. You can’t make a perfect game, but you can make a great game that impacts the industry; and if Team Ico can pull that off by spring 2013, then I think they will succeed.

Please note before reading:

This is one man’s rant and opinion about the trivialization of faith fueled by what I can see is a total breakdown values represented by this CBS Poll: http://tinyurl.com/7p9tvdz

It is not meant to offend anyone, sporting fans or not, and is merely food for thought. If you are in any way offended by this, I am sorry, and I wish you a nice day.

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Tim Tebow is a fad. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he is in fact quite a good football player, but nothing really strikes me as anything remotely spellbinding. He is nothing more than an above average sportsman who has been raised to sainthood because he prays before he plays football, asking his lord and savior Jesus Christ to inebriate him with the awesome biblical powers needed to score a touchdown. It’s just too bad that God was a Patriots fan.

Now this is what really pisses me off about Tebow – the whole religious angle. Even if I am non-religious, I do not hate religion. I in fact greatly respect it as the moral teachings of the bible are usually quite sounds guidelines. My problem with Tebow is how he represents the perversion of what a religion should be.

A recent CBS poll suggested that 43% of Americans thought that “God helped Tebow win”. What a ignorant poll, and more so, what ignorant people for even answering said poll. We live in a world where our financial systems are failing, millions are dying from famine, and our world is slowly dying with every new shovel of bullshit being poured on top of it, but unfortunately God is too busy watching a trivial football game to care.

I would hope that one prays it is for the wellbeing of him and his fellow man. Praying for a touchdown or a perfect kickoff is stupid, but a person saying that this is some sort of sign from God is absolutely sickeningly ignorant to say the least. Is this is the Church of the 21st century – where Jesus is an entertainer and true miracles are the achievements of celebrities?

While people were all hyped up about Tebow, a cruise ship, the Costa Concordia, capsizes off the coast of a small Italian island. Most escape the dangerous wreckage while many others are killed or are still trapped within the large vessel. Still, against all odds, a young, newlywed couple who were trapped inside the vessel are rescued 36 hours later. It’s a true miracle, and yet still not once did I hear a person praise Jesus for what happened – they were too busy watching the football game.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t follow a religion – it’s the mass trivialization of what faith represents. Instead of true enlightenment, people find faith through their TV. And the values of the average man are derived from some meaningless sporting event.

I end this rant be reciprocating that I still do respect religion and the people who follow it. I do not however support how faith has been so watered down and trivialized to the point that it lacks all meaning in this day and age. In summary, I say to Mr. Tebow and the massive amounts of people who are also represented by this rant that you can keep praying to your pigskins as the world goes to shit.

As an evil cyborg hell-bent on world domination, I want everyone to be as distracted as possible so that I may build up my grand army of cyberneticly enhanced super soldiers to annihilate the human race in a massive genocide. Only then can my superior race of half man, half machine super humans can become the dominant species, and I must reciprocate that I need you all to be distracted for that. And what better way is there to do that is there than Nintendo?

Yes, at times Nintendo has been pure human ecstasy that has sucked your feeble human minds in a manner so addictive that it makes crack seem safe in comparison. The Wii is an awesome console that has sucked many hours away from my immortal existence due to it's fun, innovative, addictive qualities that are at times, an absolute cut above the rest. With saying that, I have some absolutely serious issues with the Wii which I hope will be addressed with Nintendo's next console. Now enter Wii U in its amazing technicolor dreamcoat and its name that sounds like a down’s syndrome ambulance, and we see a whole new buffet of untapped potential for games. This is a console which ushers in the HD era for Nintendo and which hopes to rid the company of its reputation of having seniors trying too hard to look cool playing cheap mini games.

With that all said it would be a great help to me and my army if the Wii U is as awesome a gaming console as humanly possible. To be honest, while I still did enjoy the console, the Wii has been anything but underwhelming these last few years, and I want that to change. So right here is a couple of things that I really want to see from the Wii U – these are things which I hope restore Nintendo to greatness and things which will better distract your feeble human minds.

A More Diverse First Party

One question that I think many of us ask on a constant basis is what truly matters to a console’s longevity? Through strenuous scientific research, I have come up a graph showing the ideal components needed to draw people in and keep them playing your console:

From what is shown, there is a good chance that games are quite important to a console because really, a console is only as good as its library. Now, it is undeniable that Nintendo has a great first party with such classic franchises as Mario, Zelda, and Metroid under their wing. Yet, while these games are all great, I can’t help but feel as though the first party could be so much better.

Firstly, it has been somewhere around 10 years since Nintendo has come out with a new notable and memorable core Nintendo franchise. It has always been the same with them; mainly Mario and Zelda, and while those two franchises are great, I want to see more. With the great minds like Miyamoto and with new hardware comes serious untapped potential for new, exiting IPs.

Another great thing that Nintendo could do is maybe resurrect some older franchises that they have yet to touch this generation. I know that I’m not the first person to ask this, but please Nintendo… can we see a new Earthbound?

Nintendo having no new IPs isn't quite true - if you live in Japan, you'll get some.

A Better Third Party

This is where Nintendo SERIOUSLY needs to improve. Periods of great innovative third party titles were muddled by points in which the third party offering on the Wii was absolutely pitiful. Now most of this is due to the Wii’s stunted technical capabilities, and developers doing dick all to try and tap the console’s potential; but in my opinion, another large portion is probably due to not enough encouragement from the third parties in the form of deals, incentives, and an expanded SDK. In the end, most of the third party games were god awful mini-game compilations, cheap ports, or absolute shovel ware, and this software clouded truly great third party titles such as Boom Blox, House of the Dead: Overkill, Red Steal 2, Monster Hunter Tri, Klonoa, Zach and Wiki, and so on.

So Nintendo, you now have the hardware. Let’s do our best and encourage developers to make sure that we have a strong range of fun, innovative and most importantly worthwhile third party games. With this, your console will have much more longevity and consistency throughout its lifecycle.

Reggie likes the idea of that.

Utilizing the Wii U’s Controller

I’ll be honest here. I loved the idea of motion gaming at first, and Nintendo has used it exceptionally well. It’s just that people who weren’t Nintendo never exactly had the company’s same talent for making motion gaming awesome. The Wiimote is an awesome controller, but after waggle mini-game A and waggle mini-game B, the novelty wore off, giving Nintendo’s Wiimote this distinct trademark:

Now like the last suggestion, this is more of a plea from the third party more than anything else. Please guys, try to learn how to use the Wii U’s controller. There is so much potential in that tablet that I’m nearly salivating. The Wiimote’s potential was arguably only reached with the first party, and that’s another reason why so many third party games sucked. So to Nintendo, you guys release a kickass SDK for all the third parties, and to the third parties, do some actual interesting thing with the Wii U’s controller.

Making an Online that Doesn’t Suck

Okay, who here actually likes the idea of friend codes? Hear the crickets? Honestly… why the fuck does Nintendo think friend codes are a good idea? Please Nintendo, get rid of that awkward system of having me add [insert long number here] instead of just having me search Kirkpad and being able to play online with my good high school buddy. There’s a reason why ID’s work – they’re simple, easy to use, and easy to identify people by. And on that note, it would be great if we could actually INTERACT with our friends – maybe give us oh, I dunno… VOICE CHAT!?

That’s not even the worst gripe compared to all the issues and error codes I’ve experienced with the Wii’s online. Tell me truthfully; is it FUN playing a game only for it to drop out of nowhere only to have “error 52130” pop up for absolutely no reason? Honestly, I think the awkward Origin even schools the Wii Network in terms of functionality and reliability, and that’s just sad.

I’m not asking a five star service on the same level as Steam or Xbox Live, but give us something at least as good as the Playstation Network. You do that, and at least you have an online that works.

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Now before closing this blog, I want to say that I don’t hate the Wii. As much as I criticize the console for these issues, it’s an awesome console which I have tones of fun playing. This blog may seem harsh, but these are all issues with the Wii that need to be fixed with the Wii U. If Nintendo can learn from their mistakes and fix all these problems, then they'll have an absolute success on their hands with their next console.

In closing this blog, I want to say that I’m interested in seeing what the Wii U has to offer, and I hope Nintendo delivers an awesome console. I’ll now leave you with a song which not only describes my feelings for the next generation, but is also what I want to say when the time comes for you all to be converted into cyborgs when I am ruled supreme emperor of this planet:

Yeah, I know I'm totally whoring "my body is ready"

but it's funny - sue me.

Several days ago, I was at a local café for lunch. I was alone and when the waitress came, I ordered a Granville Island Lager and a Roast Beef sandwich on sourdough with a nice collection of chips. It was a good lunch, but most importantly, it was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want a salad, soup, or burger; I wanted some beef with mayo, horse radish, and Dijon, and by God I was going to enjoy it, but not before I got an earful from one of Kitsilano’s many cheerful vegetarians. The dialogue that followed goes somewhere along the lines of this abridged duologue:

Vegetarian: “Roast beef eh? Yeah that probably sounds good.” (Sarcastic tone)

Jules: Yeah, a roast beef sandwitch – I like roast beef. You don’t have any issue with that, do you? (Cheerfully cynical)

Vegetarian: Well… It’s just that I choose to eat food that doesn’t come from the senseless murder of animals. (Condescending)

Jules: Well good for you. I on the other hand will enjoy these cuttings of dead, slaughtered animal carcass. (Trolling)

Vegetarian: How can you defend killing animals? (Scornful)

Jules: I’m not killing animals. The slaughter house does that for me. (Trolling)

Vegetarian: You know what I’m asking. (Scornful)

Jules: How can I defend eating meat rather? Well, I’m a human. Some humans eat meat whether you like it or not and we have the right to eat meat. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to enjoy my sandwitch of bovine carcass. (Dismissal)

You all hopefully by now get the point I was getting at. Now how can I defend eating meat? We’re an omnivorous race.

I mean, for Christ sake, be a vegetarian all you like. I applaud you for making a great healthy descision and being conscious about animals, but when you scorn a life form who has evolved a pallet that includes both vegetables AND meat, it seems a little bit unfair.  I eat meat because I was I like meat as I like veggies, and it’s not like I’m eating 6lbs of meat a day – I like my meat in moderation and eat a hell of allot more vegetables.

A bit of Bok Choy a day keeps the doctor at bay.

Yes I eat meat, but please, I’m not a bad person. Hell, I recycle, take public transit, and generally care about this planet – does eating meat discredit all that? I agree that we must treat our live stock better, and I agree that vegetables are healthier, but please, don’t shove vegetarianism down my throat like I’m a horrible person for not being a vegetarian.

See, this is what I really loathe about many vegetarians. They're making a great life choice, and again, I have nothing wrong about vegetarianism; but even then they feel they must shove it down your throat with as much self righteous dribble as humanly possible in a manner that is downright condescending to say the least. As a meat eater, do I buzz around you, angry that you are eating an innocent carrot? Do I feel as though I am a superior, better person because I eat meat? No, I don’t.

I eat meat because I’m a happy omnivore, and will continue to do so whether every single smug, pretentious vegetarian and their mother like it or not. Why? Because I have the god damn right to do so!

I'm happy to eat meat.

PS: Before you ask – Yes, Cyborgs eat food.

It’s the New Year 2012, and some people think that we’re all supposed to die in some mysterious and ominous event, and if glue sniffing does in fact lead to divine clairvoyance, then we are all doomed, and I bid you all a due. However, in the very slim chance that we do all survive this unknown cataclysm, we’re treated to what I consider are a slew of incredible games to play. At the end of the year, when we’re all fighting for the last scraps of food and dropping like flies from the harsh reality that is our scorched, inhabitable earth, I will kick my robotic legs up and play every single one of these awesome looking games.

10. Mass Effect 3

Mass Effect 2 was a love/hate relationship with me. I loved the polish and flow, but I hated how watered down the role playing elements of this role-playing game manifested in its final form. In the end, it really wasn’t an RPG, but it was more of a straight up shooter. With that said, I loved Mass Effect for its great story, memorable characters, and incredible atmosphere, and gripes about the roleplaying elements of this RPG aside, I can’t wait to see where Commander Sheppard takes us next.

9. GTA5

I was never a big fan of GTA4 – I found its design, pacing, and mechanics to be muddled at best. To me, it was not the GTA game that I was hoping for, but I’ll be dammed if I don’t give it credit for the incredible amounts of effort put into it. Rockstar is an amazing developer and I for one am not going to let my personal gripes about their last game stifle my hype for their next. Great potential was laid with GTA4, expanded with Red Dead Redemption, and this newest title will hopefully be the magnum opus of all that the talented Rockstar has learned.

8. The Last Guardian

Team Ico, can you give us something? ANYTHING!? Any proof that this game is still in development and has any chance of releasing and being anywhere near as good as Shadow of the Colossus would be nice. All worries and gripes with delays and internal drama aside, I am excited for the Last Guardian. The trailer shown back in 2009 still captivates, and I still hold onto hope that this game can be something great. Only time will tell.

7. Halo 4

Finish the fight… AGAIN! Okay, as a smartass, it’s hard for me not to spout said remarks about a franchise which already “ended”. After Bungie said that they were done with Halo, a brand new Developer, 343 Industries has taken hold of one of the world’s most loved FPS series.  Could this be milking or could it be a fresh start? It could honestly go either way, but as a fan of Halo, I’m excited to see which form it takes in the coming months.

6. SSX

Batshit insane snowboarding returns with the beloved SSX series, bringing back some of the most fun you can have sliding down a virtual mountain. This newest installment adds an insane number of tracks to choose from – all real mountains, and geographically correct. As well, one of the trademarks of SSX is left intact is a great soundtrack that dynamically changes based on how you’re playing, and that alone will warrant the asking price of this snowboarding game for me.

5. Journey

I don’t think I’ve ever been so hyped about a PSN title – Journey just looks that good. That Game Company is known for unique, beautiful games, but Journey absolutely pushes the envelope. As soon as I saw the trailer, I was sucked in – the bleak, beautiful desert is a world that I want to be in, and Journey is a game that I want to play.

4. The Last of Us

Give me a zombie game, and I’ll shrug and say something along the lines of “sounds cool”. Give me a zombie game designed by the masterful storytellers at NaughtyDog, and I’ll flat out shit myself. Many zombie games to me have always seemed bland, lacking the tangible emotion necessary to draw the player into the desolate world of a zombie apocalypse. Thankfully, this Zombie game is being designed by a company praised for their storytelling and masterful sense of character development. Be noted that if this was any other company, I probably would be this engaged; but with that said, I just can’t wait to see what comes of this bold new NaughtyDog IP.

3. The Darkness 2

To this day, I still find myself scratching my head as to why Hilary Goldstein decided to give the original Darkness a 7.8. No other FPS in recent memory besides Bioshock has had as captivating a story and as rich an atmosphere. Yes, it was muddled in certain areas, but the Darkness as a whole was an utterly sublime experience that I still have yet to forget and was, in my opinion probably one of the best games of 2007. Disappointingly, the amazing developer Starbreeze isn’t working on this installment, and is instead doing the Syndicate reboot, which also looks good. Even so, the Darkness 2 still looks tight, moody, and I can’t wait to play it.

2. Max Payne 3

The bleak, melancholic prose of an edgy, yet relatable New York Detective returns in the 3rd installment of one of my favorite games EVER (I think Max Payne may be #2 behind Commander Keen 4). What this game lacks is the Remedy name (as they’ve moved onto the very well done Allan Wake series of games) and from the looks of it, it will employ a much different direction than what Max Payne veterans are used to. Still, while I’m at times worried that this game may be too much of a departure for fans, it looks absolutely superb none the less.

1. Ni No Kuni

This game makes my dick ROCK HARD – no really, it does. In a generation where JRPG have been disappointedly underwhelming, to see Level 5 create a unique pokemon-like RPG coupled with the most breathtaking visuals coming out of Japan is a welcome site. To see that this Level 5 RPG is being co-developed with Hayao Miyazaki’s acclaimed, academy award winning animation studio, Ghibli makes my dick rock hard.

Remember those moments in Howl’s Moving Castle or Spirited Away where you feel so enchanted by the whole experience that your eyes start to glaze with joy? Yeah, the fucking trailer gave me that exact same feeling. No other game on this list has glued to the computer screen eager to hear more news on the western release as much as this title. It’s true that Mass Effect can confront you with a modern day space epic, Halo’s multiplayer can keep you playing for hours on, and GTA can throw a wealth of opportunities at you, but what make a game truly great is its ability to suck you in from start to end. Not one thing created by Studio Ghibli has failed to do so.

So those were all just one cyborg's opinoins, but all of these games make my circuits pretty damn jittery - not a single game I hope to pass up. When it comes down to it, no matter what you're into, there should be a game for everyone in 2012. With that said, what are your most hyped games of 2012?