Spartacus: Most Disturbing Sex Scenes

Underneath the saucy, salacious "of-the-era" sex of Spartacus lies a breathtakingly labyrinthine story about ambition, repression and destiny. If you've seen the show then you know how, shall we say, "free" the actors are with their bodies. But it also means you're privy to the fact that this tremendous Starz series is much more than the sum of its parts (heh).

Watch the trailer for Spartacus: Vengeance
But - HOLY CRAP! - sometimes it's just really hard to ignore the rampant boning. I mean, you'd think f***ing was an Olympic sport and that everyone was trying out for the team. These people knocked boots sandals like their lives depended on it. And sometimes their lives did depend on it!

So, yes. The sex is everywhere. One of the great aspects of this show is that, a lot of the time, the sex scenes are quite integral to the plot. Like, an important plot twist will happen right in the middle of sex! Because of the sex itself! Sex is actually used as a weapon for sure, but there are times when this show absolutely punishes the audience with astonishingly grotesque sex scenes that make one want to take a boiling shower right after viewing - just to try and wash away the soot and shame.

Spartacus' Katrina Law on the IGN TV Podcast
Sometimes the sex can be tender and loving (hell, in the first episode alone Spartacus got to have "farewell" sex with his wife - TWICE!) and sometimes it just makes your brain melt and ooze out of your appalled, gaping mouth. You'll notice that this list is a bit Gods of the Arena-heavy, but I think that's just a testament to how much Steven S. DeKnight and the writers raised the sexual stakes for the show. Warning: Spoilers for Blood and Sand and Gods of the Arena follow. Also, Warning: You will NOT be aroused.

Man, was there ever a sex scene with Melitta that wasn't soul-crushing? She was like depression, with attractive nudity on the side. This forbidden Ludus love story from Gods of the Arena saw the champion Gannicus fall in love with the "upstairs" help, and wife of his best friend Oenomaus, Mellita after the two of them were forced to bang in front of a Roman dignitary (while he played with his own "horn of plenty") so that Gannicus could compete in the new arena. Apparently, as traumatic and wretchedly awkward as the entire experience was, the two of them still fell in love.

Now, onto Gannicus and Mellita, Part Two: The Quickening. Yes, the final time that Gannicus and Mellita shared "naked time" was on the eve of Gannicus' supposed departure from Batiatus Thunderdome. Man, it's a good thing that Gannicus was "straight edge" because the honeyed wine that Mellita took a sip of pre-coitus was laced with liquid doom.

Nothing like a passionate embrace that ends with the chick coughing up her own intestines, I always say. Always.

Most of the heinous, unabashed abuse that Spartacus suffered in Season 1 had to do with his wife's death and a little pesky thing called enslavement. And, at first glance, the manipulative coupling of Spartacus and Roman brat Ilithyia wasn't all that bad. I mean, it was sex between two hot people, right?

But because these two were wearing kinky masks to hide their identities, and had been placed together by Lucretia so that she could have leverage over Ilithyia, it kind of ruined the afterglow when they found out that they just had sex with each other's idea of a vomitous hellbeast.

Imagine finding out that you just mystery-boned the person you hate the most in the entire world. A person whose very touch makes you wretch. Yeah, at this point in the story's history, forcing Gladiators to have sex with random strangers was commonplace. But making two mortal enemies do the old "sword and sheath" act was pretty vile.

More outrageously disturbing Spartacus sexing on page 2…